Done with diets!

Declaring this to no one in particular except myself.

I am DONE with diets!

I have spent the last 8 years trying to lose last of the "baby" weight. Yes, my baby is eight. Off and on, I have done SparkPeople, gone vegan (plant-based, I guess since I don't have the mindset of a true vegan), Fast Metabolism Diet, "detox," and the basics of counting calories. I've given up gluten, meat, sugar, alcohol, and dairy.

I've lost/gained up to 10 pounds on and off for the past 8 years.

I've cooked separate meals for myself.

I've not enjoyed food with my family.

I've obsessed and spent countless hours on the internet and reading books about healthy eating.

I've felt guilty eating just about everything.

I'm DONE!!

I just want to eat and enjoy living without guilt.

I want to eat with my family and go out for special treats with my family.

I want to focus on other things besides food.

Now, not going crazy here. I still am against highly processed foods. They don't hold a place in my diet, but I will eat FOOD. Good, normal food. Cream in my coffee, fruits, vegetables, good, ethically raised meats (when possible), and homemade sweet treats. Now, I'm sure the guilt over eating things I "shouldn't" eat will take a while to get over, but I am committed. I also want to be strong, so I am committed to exercising 3 times a week at the Y.

I really hope that this marks a new, free, and healthier lifestyle for me. Wish me luck.

Love, me

A New Chapter

The Lueck family will soon be entering into a new life phase. Tanner is 10, Max is 8, and we may be adding a new member (or two) to our family this summer. NO! I am not pregnant! Danny and I just attended our first foster parent meeting last week.

I have wanted to be a foster parent for several years. It has weighed on my heart weekly, since before Tanner was born. I have been saying for years that as soon as my kids were both in school, I would look into it. Well, that time came and went, and I went from part-time to full-time, and life got busy. I didn't think I could give enough time or energy to kids who really need it with the schedule I currently have.

It looks as if my district is finally considering letting me go part-time again to make this possible. A month ago, though, I decided that even if I was full-time, we surely could take on some elementary age kids. Tricia Murphy had a great message that week in church about just taking that step. The time is now! I am so excited and Danny is a little more tentative but he's on board, too.

I know that it will be challenging. I've heard enough "horror stories" from well-meaning? acquaintances, but have also had some encouragement that felt really great. Know that I can't post any details or pictures on social media. This will not and cannot become a "foster care blog." I honestly don't get how the people who have those blogs get away with some of the things they share.

Anyway, feel free to send some prayers our way. We've got a mountain of paperwork to do, and fingerprints, background checks, home studies, and I can see why it is necessary. We may be ready as early as this summer to welcome some new additions to our family.

I am blessed and so thankful for this opportunity! Thanks in advance for your prayers and thoughts.

Love,

me

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly - Meet Riley

We have a new family member. Her name is Riley. We adopted her from Affinity Rescue in Pardeeville, WI. She is between 10-12 months old and is a boxer, bulldog, who knows? mix.

The good: This dog is so so sweet. She is mostly very calm, loves to be petted and cuddled. She thinks she's a lap dog, which I love (but some may not appreciate). She does not jump on people and rarely barks. She also gets "the zooms" and runs around the back yard like a super beast, and loves to chase/fetch tennis balls. She gets along with dogs, too. The boys and I have been wanting a dog for a while, and I think we picked the right girl for our family. If you like dogs at all, you can't help but like her.

naughty, naughty

The bad:

Not much bad here. She has to learn not to go on the couch. She sheds a bit. She snores. She also does not chew her food. She inhales it and then chokes. She was a stray, so I'm guessing that she has to learn that she will always have food here before she slows down. She is a puppy so she tends to chew stuffed animals if she can get them. As a result, our floor is finally free of stuffed animals. Yay! She also chewed a couple teethmarks in Max's DSi. Yep, a lot less toys laying out around the Lueck house.

Pet me, please?

The ugly: Well, she does have a look. If you look at her from the side, she looks pretty normal. But straight on, and you get the super bulgy eyes, one looking a bit off to the side. She also has an underbite. A neighbor boy said, (in a cutesy voice), "Oh, you're so cute. What chubby eyes you have." I love that! I've been showing her picture to my students, and I've noticed that the younger the student, the cuter they think she is. Older students and adults don't always think she's so cute. In fact, Danny says she's the ugliest dog he's ever seen.

She's definitely found her way into my heart, and I'm so glad to have her. 

My Wish for the New School Year

I love the start of school. It doesn't matter that summer was awesome and I wish I had more of it. It doesn't matter that I love hanging in my pajamas into all hours of the morning (and sometimes afternoon). It doesn't matter that I am addicted to a cup of coffee while watching the Today Show.

I love the start of a new school year! The hope and promise of a new year is always a thrill for me. New relationships, rekindling old relationships, trying something new, a fresh start; these are all phrases that come to mind.

Most importantly, though, I have a goal for my music classroom: I want my students to experience the love from me that I have received unconditionally from Jesus. I want this at the start of every school year. For ALL my students. Even the ones that can wear you down. Even the ones that are tough. Even the ones who won't participate. Even the ones who are quiet. Even the ones who are quirky. Even the ones who are so sweet, but are hiding a secret hurt. Especially all of them!

I strive and pray for this every year, and every year I know that I fail. I get too focused on a result. I get distracted.  I get frustrated. I forget to see the "child" in the children. Lord, help me to always see these little children as you see them. Help me to respond in a way that honors your love. I know I don't deserve it, but I am so grateful and blessed to have that gift.

They really all are a gift to me, entrusted to me by their parents and community. Help me to remember that in the midst of a tough schedule, a hard day, pressures to perform, or whatever else gets in the way. I am teaching music, but what I'm really doing is loving small human beings.

I want to incorporate lots and lots of play, even for my older students. We need to laugh and communicate and include everyone. No matter what my principal directed goal sheet is for the year, these are my goals for my new, challenging,  and exciting school year!

Love,

Me

I am not Super Mom.

Guess what. I am not supermom.

This post has been running around in my head for about 4 months now. I started full time teaching in September, and after the initial excitement of the start of the school year, I began to realize that I can't do it all.

Right around November, concert craziness set in, and most of my attention was directed toward getting ready for two school concerts. My new school was the most stressful, mostly due to the fact that I was new there and had to learn the system while trying to "prove" myself. I spent a lot of extra time at work in November and December and definitely neglected my family at home. Even when I was at home, my mind was at school. But it was temporary, right?

January was also busy with having to grade about 500 students and have my summative evaluation after 3 years in the district.

Now that I've settled into February and stress isn't running my life, I think I've settled into a slight depression and realization that I cannot do it all. Danny and I had a talk about priorities in our family and I shared with him what I have been fearing for many months now. I'm having a tough time with working full-time.

I know, I know. My kids are in school now. I should be happy to have a full time job. They're in school all day anyway.

But I'm not. I feel like I give the best of myself to my students each day. Teaching elementary music is a wonderful career; so fun, so many hugs, but mentally and physically taxing. I'm dealing with little feelings all day long. I think teachers understand this.

When I come home, I'm done. It is a lot easier to veg out in front of the computer instead of engaging with my kids. Things that are really important to me, like playing with my boys, planning great meals, cooking, spending quality time with my husband, praying..... All of these things take a back burner to my "alone" time.

See, I'm the kind of person who needs alone time. I am an introvert, and engaging with people all day (big or small) takes a lot out of me. So my family time at night is the time when I punch out. Not good. This is hurting my soul.

I feel like a failure. Shouldn't I be able to work all day at a job I love, cook a great meal, and hang out with my family? After all, I've got a great husband, who has definitely picked up my slack around here. I want to be able to do it... But once again, I feel like I'm failing in every area.

Where to go from here? Not sure. There's been tears, "trying" harder... I need to pray, that's for sure. And I'll take all the prayers I can get.

I had a principal once, who told me that her priorities went like this: God, family, career.

Here's some latest pics of my family. I know that I am blessed.

Max and Tanner are the two holding hands. Love it!

Love, me.

***UPDATE Spring Break came and went, and it seemed that I just needed a break. Came back from break with a much better outlook and energy and finished the school year strong. Keep me in your prayers for next year!

sunflowers and God

I have been waiting for weeks to be able to share our sunflowers with you. They are really tall and beautiful. The bees have been enjoying them as well. I was thinking about how amazing these are, and how they come from  such a small seed. Within a few months they are 10 to 12 feet tall!

That got me thinking about intelligent design. How else could these have been made? A big bang? Seriously!? Scientists want me to believe that a big bang created these amazing flowers that grow from a tiny seed into these HUGE majestic flowers, and then it all happens again when the seeds fall. From a huge explosion in the universe. Just happening to make these and everything else that grows. Nope, can't believe it.

God is amazing! He created these. He created all things that grow. He created humans and animals, all the systems in our bodies working together. Some people may think Christians are dumb to believe in God, but how can you NOT? These beautiful and wonderful things could only have been deliberately and intelligently designed by the God of the universe.

Anyway, Tanner planted these. Here is his proud self.

And I'm pretty sure that God has a sense of humor, because all of these sunflowers are pointed directly away from our house. Only the neighbors can actually see them in bloom over the fence. Or perhaps we should have researched and found out that sunflowers only face east, where the sun rises. Our gift to you, neighbors. Enjoy.

As you can see our garden has really grown!

Here is Max with the pumpkins he planted with Sharon. He picked them out. They are literally called "Big Max" pumpkins. He is the gardener of our family. He loves planting, watching things grow, and harvesting.

Lastly, I leave you with the cutest little watermelons. They are about the size of Tanner's fist. LOVE it!!!

Love, me

God has opened my eyes!

It is going to be hard to write this without sounding like a complete jerk. (Hopefully, former jerk).

But, the most awesome thing has a occurred this week with me. I think I have begun to see people a little bit more the way God sees them.

Let me explain. Here's where the jerk part comes. As much as I didn't want to, I have always judged people on appearance. Not proud of it. It just happened. Oh, that person has a huge nose. That person is chubby. That person has a way out of date look. Whatever.

Not that I think I am "all that" myself. I just judged. Then I felt bad, and tried to move past it.

I know, I know.

Now for a few years, I HAVE been seeing children as beautiful. No matter what. I especially love the quirky things about them, especially when they get adult teeth that are so big for their faces. That is so cute.

But I noticed at this class I have been taking that I wasn't judging. I was just appreciating all the different looks people are created with. And they were all beautiful. I realized this as I just found this woman to be stunning. And I was trying to explain her to Danny. I said, "Well, she's kind of a bigger lady, and she has short dark hair and dark funky glasses. " And I realized that in the world's eyes, the way I was describing her was not stunningly beautiful.

But, she is! Her hair was an awesome dark shiny color, her skin was just a beautiful color, and her eyes were dark and sparkly. I don't know, just her whole self was beauty.

And another lady you could tell didn't have much money, her glasses and clothes were out of style. But her character, spunk, and enthusiasm shone through. And she was just so darn cute to me.

It is so hard to describe, but I sit with tears in my eyes right now thinking about it. It is just such a great experience to look around at all the people in my life and see such beauty.

Thank you God for opening my eyes!

me